My Boys and I Looked at Porn on My Phone: It's Not What You Think

No, you did not miss read that. One Saturday morning my boys and I were watching a Kid President video on Facebook—we love Kid President. You know how when you finish watching a video on Facebook it just rolls right into another video similar to it? I have done this several times before and never had an issue. Every other time I’ve done this it has played a similar video to the one I had just finished watching. Soooo I assumed it was going to play another KP video.

As you can guess, based on the title, that's not what happened. Instead, I was horrified to see either a mostly or fully nude woman laying on a bed. I immediately flipped the phone over and closed the screen. Even though we only saw it for a second that was long enough for the image to enter our minds. My heart rate shot up. I felt confused and angry, and I’m pretty sure I blurted out something like, “Unbelievable!”

Both boys were looking at me, frozen, with a what’s-up-with-daddy look on their faces. Then my oldest, who was 8 years old at the time, innocently asked, “Daddy, what was that?”

I thought to myself, “I suppose this is as good a time as any to talk with my boys about what pornography is.” I proceeded to explain that it was the beginning of a video that appeared to be showing the top half of a woman not wearing a shirt or maybe not even a bra. I explained "It's called pornography and that pornography means pictures, videos, or even cartoons of people, including boys, girls, men or women, with little or no clothes on." This is a great definition for kids that I got from Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids by Kristen A. Jenson and Dr. Gail A. Poyner. A more advanced definition of pornography is any printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to cause sexual excitement.

I further explained that a lot of pornographic pictures and videos even show people doing sexual things together that only husbands and wives are supposed to do together in private. I told them about how looking at pornography is very bad for a person’s brain, their relationships with other people, and most importantly, their relationship with God.

I said, “You know how daddy helps people and counsels people? Something I specialize in, and help a lot of people with, is overcoming addictions to pornography. Some guys, girls, men and women get addicted to looking at pornography in very similar ways that a person gets addicted to drugs. Even though it hurts them, even though they know it's bad for them and even though they want to stop, they don't stop and really feel like they can't.” I further explained that even though most of the people I work with are Christians, because of what it has done to their brains they’re not able to stop looking at it without a lot of help from a counselor, like me, and other people close to them who care about them.

I also decided to take this opportunity to teach the boys about keeping their minds and hearts pure by not looking at certain things with their eyes and by trying to keep their minds focused on good, Godly things (Philippians 4:8). I explained to them that a good thing they can do to help keep them from ever having serious problems with pornography is for them to start practicing turning their heads and looking away whenever they see a man, woman, girl or boy somewhere who isn't wearing enough clothes to cover up areas of their bodies that need to be covered out in public (e.g. swimsuits that show a lot of skin, undergarment advertisements, etc.). I elaborated that this also applies to seeing pictures or videos like this on phones, tablets, computers, TV, etc. Then I said, “I don't know if you've noticed this before, but Daddy and Mommy do this. This is something we do to protect our hearts and minds.”

After I finished talking, my 8 year old, told me a story about how one time one of his friends was on his tablet and that something he wasn’t supposed to see popped up on the screen. He said that this friend immediately turned it off and said, “Well, I’m not playing on that anymore.”

I asked, “What was it that popped up on his screen?”

“I don’t know. He wouldn’t let me see it. He just said it was a picture of something he’s not supposed to look at.”

“That’s really good buddy! I’m proud of you guys!”

A big grin lit up his face.

It warmed my heart to hear my 8 year old son share that story. It’s encouraging when you get to witness the principles you, and other Christian parents, work so hard to instill in your children, taking root in their hearts and minds, having a positive affect on their decision-making.

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I don't know about you, but as I reflect on all this, I sure wish I had been taught these principles when I was growing up. It would have saved me so much heartache and trouble. I wasn't taught all the things God wanted me to know about His plan for love, sex and sexuality in my life until I was much, much older than my boys. I didn't learn about the dangers of pornography, what it was and what I needed to do to avoid it.

Moses instructed God’s people in Deuteronomy 6:6-7 by saying, “…these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (English Standard Version).

Then in Proverbs 22:6, King Solomon in his great wisdom said, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (ESV). This applies to everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Being a parent sure is a daunting task and being a Christian parent is even more daunting. There are so many things we have to teach our children and it’s hard to remember all the right things at the right time, but we must not forget to teach them all about God's gifts of love, sex and sexuality.

We must be sure to promote and teach healthy sexual development, which includes teaching them what pornography is and how to deal with it whenever they encounter it. And trust me, they WILL encounter it. It's only a matter of time considering the average first age of exposure is believed to be 8 years old or younger by many experts in the field. These days, it’s virtually impossible to keep pornography away from our children, no matter how hard we try. So, sheltering them as much as possible and HOPING that they’ll never encounter it is to be in denial. We don’t take that approach with teaching them about drugs and strangers and we can’t take the same approach with the dangers of pornography.

If you're looking for some great resources that can further educate you and your children about the harmful effects of pornography and what they can do to avoid it, then check out these resources below.

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Have you ever had an experience like this with your children that you'd like to share?

If so, what happened and how did you handle it?

I'd love to hear from you, so please share it in the comments section below.